‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a— BLOODY HELL WHO CAME IN STEAMING AND TURNED OFF THE OVEN?!? DAD WAS SLOW-COOKING THE MEAT AND NOW CHRISTMAS IS RUINED!!!
Last Christmas (nope, not the Wham! song… unfortunately), I was complaining about festive music being played in November and people shortening “decorations” to “decs”. Heck, I even blogged about it.
This time last year, I was tired and miserable, powering through fourth year assignments and working a retail job during the festive period.
If anyone even uttered the words “crack a smile” in my vicinity, I was prepared to shove a bauble where the sun don’t shine. It was BAD.
It got so bad that I’d started mixing up “bah humbug” with familiar phrases in my life.
In uni, ‘This book that I’m reading for my dissertation’ soon became ‘This bah humbug that I’m reading…’ and a sure way to get your lecturers asking if you were a wee bit stressed and needed an extension (hey, the more you know). In work, ‘Would you like a bag with that’ became ‘Would you like a bah humbug with that’. In the bedroom, ‘I’m going to…’— ah, you see where I’m going with this…
This time last year, I was a certified Grinch™. HOWEVER, this year, having graduated in the summer and lived through a bloody pandemic, it seems that I’ve had a complete personality transplant.
No longer do I grumble at carol singers or frown at overly Christmassy people; I hum along to the tunes and nod politely in their direction. Heck, I might even give them a *gasps* smile!
No longer do I refuse to talk about presents, gifts, cadeaux until December 1st. No longer do I rip Christmas cards into shreds (alright, I never did this but, c’mon, what a waste of paper!).
No longer do I b*tch about Brussels sprouts and roasted chestnuts. I HAVE BEEN CURED!!!
2020 brought with it scary, new terminology, such as “social distancing” and the “r-rate”; phrases we hope to never have to use so frequently again.
It introduced many of us to the life-changing fact that hand sanitiser comes in other flavours, too— not just tequila.
Thinking back now to NYE, kissing as the fireworks went off and the clock turned 00:01 was symbolic of us kissing goodbye to some of our freedoms (even if, at the time, it just seemed like snogging the last fit person left at the party!).
The majority of 2020 has been spent “locked-down”, indoors, kept distracted by the sinister prospect of either: (1) losing our jobs, (2) our homes, (3) our friends and family members or, heck, (4) our minds— and if that wasn’t sinister enough, we had Tiger King and banana bread* to keep us busy!
*I genuinely don’t think I can eat banana bread ever again…
This year has been a complete and utter sh*t show and we all deserve a bit of happiness. SO, I say: LET THERE BE JOY (and a copious amount of choc!).
Topics include, but are not limited to: festive foreplay, sleighing/neighing queens, chocolate tin wars, and Things to be Grateful For.
Jen sait quoi 