Hear me out #4 (How to evade “Death by Synonym”: A Guide)

Synonyms are weird and strange and bizarre and, come to think of it, rather queer.

For instance, if someone invites you to their “cottage in the forest” it sounds all nice and cozy, but if they invite you to their “cabin in the woods” then you’re pretty much going to die.

Topics include, but are not limited to: holiday homes, ass phoning, Fathers, and “Death by ~~Cinnamon~~ Synonym“.

What is a synonym?

Synonyms are words or phrases that mean exactly or nearly the same as another word or phrase in the same language, for example, chat is a synonym of orate or talk or communicate.

Etymologically, the term originates from Middle English sinonyme, from Latin synōnymum, from Ancient Greek συνώνυμος (sunṓnumos “synonymous”), from σύν (sún “with, together; similar, alike”) + ὄνομα (ónoma “name”).

In language and semantics, synonyms often express a nuance of meaning and can be used in different registers of speech or writing. Writers often use synonyms when they are trying to avoid repeating the same word in close proximity; this is called “elegant variation”.

Synonyms can be found in a thesaurus, which is a book (similar to a dictionary!) that lists words in groups of synonyms and related concepts. The term thesaurus originated in the late 16th century via Latin from Greek thēsauros “storehouse, treasure”. The original sense “dictionary or encyclopedia” has been narrowed over time to the current meaning by the publication of Roget’s Thesaurus of English Words and Phrases (1852).

Is there a synonym for synonym?

Equivalent? Interchangeable? Metonym? Tantamount? NOPE!

The official (albeit old) synonym for synonym is poecilonym.

Poecilonym (/ˈpiːsɪlənɪm/, or PEE-sil-eh-nim) is, also, of Ancient Greek origin: poikilos “varied; dappled” + –onym “name”. Unfortunately, this word hasn’t been used for centuries, so don’t go around expecting anyone to have the faintest idea what you’re going on about!

FUN FACT: Of the same etymological origin, poikilotherm, refers to an animal whose body temperature varies depending on its environment (i.e., it cannot regulate it).

ANYWHO, without further ado (or fuss, bother, rigmarole), I’ve included discussions of a few English synonyms below for you to enjoy (or fancy, be fond of, luxuriate in) at your leisure.

Hopefully, one or two of them should help you evade “Death by ~~Cinnamon~~ Synonym”!

“Cottage in the forest” vs. “Cabin in the woods”

You know it’s a legit thing when there’s a Reddit thread about it…

We’ve all seen enough horror films to know that being invited to someone’s “cabin in the woods” is code for “you will not be getting breakfast in bed” (or, even , “you will not be making it to breakfast”… cos you’ll be DEAD!).

It’s a tale as old as time: person has deserted log cabin, person invites several of their friends to stay at said log cabin, monsters appear out of nowhere and murder entire group of friends (bar one!), and last surviving friend battles monsters— happy ending.

If you go to someone’s cabin in the woods and, stupidly, don’t expect to die, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself!

HOWEVER, if someone invites you to their “cottage in the forest”, you should 100% expect a cute pamper night in matching jammies, drinking hot chocolate and Bailey’s, having a good ol’ gossip about the fit new guy from work. That’s totally on the money!

(Forgive me: I *had* to get Hazza in some how…)

SO, why is this? Why do we expect two drastically different things when two words are swapped out? Why does the English language do this to us?!

Try this: “Cottage in the woods” vs. “Cabin in the forest”

Any different? A wee bit, yeah? Slightly?

The former (“cottage in the woods”) sounds a bit more charming than “cabin in the woods”, as if the word cottage connotes images of wholesome weekend retreats in the countryside, possibly some light farm work, maybe milking a cow?

In comparison to “cabin in the woods” which connotes images of spooky shacks and axe-bearing murderers… just me? No? C’mon!

Similarly, the latter (“cabin in the forest”) is not as soft as “cottage in the forest”, but not as nightmare-inducing than “cabin in the woods”. Maybe it’s the word forest that softens the blow of whichever type of home precedes it; forest, to me, connotes images of peaceful greenery and large expanses of gorgeous trees, whereas woods is a bit more pejorised (i.e., I immediately think of all sorts of nefarious activities that go on “in the woods”).

Below, I’ve ranked the phrases on a scale of “would expect homemade apple pie on arrival” to “would not be surprised if a group of savages showed up and tried to eat my face”. Let me know your verdict!

“Cottage in the forest” (wholesome af!)
“Cottage in the woods” (getting a bit more Hansel & Gretel-y)
“Cabin in the forest” (OK, possible murder territory…)
“Cabin in the woods” (GET OOOOOOOT!!!)

Flammable vs. Inflammable

These two words sound as though they’d mean completely the opposite of each other, but they actually mean the same thing! Curse you, English!!!

Something that’s flammable is “liable to set on fire easily”– BUT so is something that’s inflammable.

Apparently, the original word was inflammable, while the word flammable only started being used in the 1920s to mean exactly the same thing (why, English, why?!?!).

The reason it was deemed necessary to use flammable was because people were worried that inflammable might be understood to mean “not flammable”, as one might surmise from its spelling. At the root of the in– prefix is the Latin en– (as seen in enriched, encaged, engorged), which is why it doesn’t mean “un-” (as in unlikely, unhappy, undeserving).

According to linguists and lexicographers, non-flammable is an acceptable means of expressing the opposite of flammable and inflammable.

Butt dial vs. Booty call

I’d hope that, in 2020, we all know the difference between butt dialling and booty calling but, for those of you who are still a bit unsure, momma’s here to help…

The booty call is a classic mating ritual, an interaction consisting of one person calling or texting another person wanting to tap the other person’s screen (as it were…). The butt dial, however, is when an unaware person accidentally calls another person; this differs from the booty call in two distinct ways (see below).

Differences between the two:

The butt dial is always a call (unless you have magical texting arse!) and, in certain dialects, butt dials are known as ghost dials*. Blaming the dial on a ghost? Please butt, you’re full of shit.
The booty call is always intentional (even if you deny it to yourself several times!).

*I do wish booty call had its own synonym, like ass phone or tushy text.

FUN FACT: dial is laid spelt backwards (now, now, pick your jaw off the floor!). SO, maybe the term butt dial is more equipped for fooling around…

On the one hand, butt dial sounds a little sterm and businesslike, whereas booty call sounds like a party! The butt dial, also, has an organised agenda for the day: to surprise your ex, or give hope to your relatives, or mess with people whose names begin with A (my sincerest apologies to all the Aarons, Adams, and Alisons for being among the most common victims of an overzealous butt-phone liaison!).

Quick side note: is that why Alcoholics Anonymous is AA, so that the appropriate authorities (read: your sponsor) will know you’ve been cheating?

Furthermore, heaven forbid, you ever get in a car accident and your derrière calls the only other AA (as in Automobile Association)– saved by your own arse, huh, swings and roundabouts and all that. Guess it’d have to be a really awful accident to become a ghost dial…

One benefit to butt dialling is that, if/when you get drunk, being a frequent butt dialler suddenly becomes your saving grace when you accidentally (honestly!) butt dial your booty call!